


I Do Not Want To Kill

by ScharfKugel



Category: Under Night In-Birth (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Minor Character Death, implied major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 01:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScharfKugel/pseuds/ScharfKugel
Summary: Merkava at last comes face to face with Orie, but can he find find forgiveness for things outside his control?
Relationships: Merkava & Orie Ballardiae
Kudos: 11





	I Do Not Want To Kill

Have you ever felt what it is like to kill a human? Have you ever seen the look of pure fear and hopelessness in one’s eyes before they die? Have you ever heard their panicked and sorrowful cries? I have. I have so much that I cannot recall how many times I have seen, heard, and felt it all. And yet, it feels as if each incident is burned into my mind and memories, replaying itself over and over in its varying degrees of severity.

  
My name is Merkava.

  
This name is etched into my conscious; it’s the only thing I know about myself for sure. The rest is a mystery, a set of primordial memories and instructions: “Consume your prey”. The beast within commands me. It’s a sense more than a sound or direct thought, but I know for certain that it always hungers and demands blood.

  
I do not want to kill anyone; I do not want to bring anyone any harm. However the beast thirsts for EXS with an inhumanly powerful voracity. When its hunger becomes too much for it to handle, I bear witness to the bloodshed that ensues.

  
All I want is to end my accursed existence, but this vessel will not allow me to take my life. If I cannot have that, then I at least want to be left alone. But fate is cruel, and it seems that today I won’t be given even the latter. I can sense a human approaching. An In-birth at that.

  
I stand perched on a tall boulder, overlooking the peaceful woods beneath me. I am concealed from the sight of all living things, hidden by a sort of barrier that separates the realm of voids from that of humans. But concealed as I may be, the human should be able to sense my presence too. I hear a voice come from a figure obscured by the trees:

  
“It must be close now, I can feel it…” came the voice of a young woman.

  
That presence. It feels so familiar. I am galvanised into action and draw nearer to the figure, to see their face. As I approach I see a woman with blue hair, donning a long blue dress. She holds a long rapier at her side, gripping it cautiously. Her face turns left and right, taking in her surroundings, and suddenly I remember. I remember where I have felt this presence before. I killed them. I killed her parents.

* * *

The warm night air flows over me as I look on at the house before me. Situated on the outskirts of the town, the windows on the rear of the house grant a pleasant view of the green ranges outside. I notice one of the windows is open, letting in that same warm air. The beast notices this same opening too. It has brought me this far already; the hunger has not relented one bit. Leaping off my perch, I fly silently across the sky and over to the roof. Delicately landing on the tiles, making nary a sound, I observe the surroundings. This is a single story building, not overly large or spacious, and holding three people within it. I can sense them. So can the beast.

  
Craning my head down like a bat, I look into the open window. A child’s bedroom. Instantly I feel my gut sink lower than it ever has. Many times the beast has slain men and women, but never a child. I would not be able to bear such a sight.

  
Then I see it, a small blue-haired girl staring at me from the bed with the widest eyes and palest expression I have ever seen. Sitting upright, she appears completely speechless, her body shaking and breath coming to her in ragged gasps. The beast hesitates no longer and drops down from the roof to crawl up through the large window. As I begin my approach, the girl finds her voice and lets out a shrill scream. The beast flinches for just a mere moment, and a clambering from outside the bedroom draws near.

  
A piercing cry for help comes from the girl, as she cowers with her back against the wall and her blanket pulled up against her chest. The door crashes open and a deathly fearful woman appears. She glances at me for a moment, her eyes widening in terror at the sight of me, then back at the girl. Not hesitating a moment more she makes a dash for the girl. But the beast’s senses are sharp and I feel myself instantly lurch towards the woman, mouth agape and arms outstretched.

  
A loud thud sounds as I tackle the woman onto the ground like a pouncing wolf. My eyes stare into hers, realising the fear within, and unable to look away as I watch the beast sink its teeth into her. Every sensation and feeling gnaws at me; I feel my teeth and claws dig in, her body violently jerking to try to escape my grip, and the undeniably euphoric feeling of EXS entering my vessel. Blood spills out and flows freely down onto my harsh skin; dripping down from my jaw and onto the rest of my body. Her feelings of pure terror and anguish are conveyed perfectly to me through my instincts.

  
I want to look away. I want the sensations to stop. I want to stop hearing her thoughts reverberating in my mind.

  
“Orie! Orie run please! Get to papa right away and leave!”

* * *

_“Orie…”_

  
“H-huh!? Who said that?” called out the blue-haired woman in shock, turning her head left and right quickly.

  
As it stands, she is unable to see me. Momentarily concentrating, I weave through the incorporeal barrier as if it were a membrane, and emerge into the view of the human world. A sharp gasp comes from the woman as I fade into view from seemingly nowhere. Quickly collecting herself, she draws her weapon and points it at me in a guarded fashion, expecting me to strike.

  
_“Wait human. I am not your enemy.”_

  
My words come to her telepathically, the way I communicate with all things, my voice echoing within her mind. “T-that voice…! Are you the one talking to me, monster!?” she calls out in a bewildered manner. A short silence hangs over the open clearing we stand on.

  
_“…Yes. I want only to talk; I have no intention of bringing any harm unto you.”_

  
She stares at me a moment longer, her chest heaving up and down from unease and fear. I feel those emotions coming from her mind. She is frightened and unsure of whether or not she is hallucinating me. “…Choose your words carefully then, creature” she replies. The fact that I have not moved or attempted to strike yet has eased her manner just slightly enough to not feel the need to attack me or ward me off.

  
_“Do you remember that day? Do you remember what happened on that night… Orie?”_

* * *

The now-limp body of the woman collapses onto the ground in a heap, all its EXS drained. The beast seems to stand still for a moment, hunched over and savouring the absorbed EXS. I hope dearly to myself that the beast is sated. However, the sudden flaring of energy and further hunger from the beast dashes my hopes gravely. The small girl’s face is now even paler than it had been before, her whole self being completely paralysed with fear. She can’t even bring herself to move a single muscle or cry out.

  
Now I hear a second person drawing near. A man calls out across the house in a panicked manner, rushing over to the room that was the source of the commotion. ‘Don’t come any nearer’ I want to tell him, ‘Spare yourself at least’. However no words can be transmitted; the beast is in complete control. Laying perfectly still and quietly upon sensing this new arrival, the beast heightens its awareness. The mere seconds of silence and waiting that pass feel like centuries as I watch this ominous scene unfold before me.

  
The man enters into the room, fear emanating from his being. Immediately it is replaced with shock as the beast launches out from its primed position, rending his jugular in one swift motion. The man can barely make a single sound before I feel his consciousness disappear. His end was swift at least.

* * *

Orie goes completely pale. Her stature becomes one of frailty and panic rather than resolve. I sense it. A deeply repressed memory has at this very moment become uncovered to her. She simply stares at me while her body trembles severely, her breath coming out in sharp, ragged gasps. She tries to take a step backwards away from me, her foot stuttering along the ground as her body wracks itself in complete fear.

  
“Y-y-…..you….” she just barely says, “…k….killed….”

  
I feel an unfamiliar and severe mixture of pity and guilt. Seeing a human become this broken at the mere sight of me is new; I can feel her emotions and hear her thoughts clearer than I have of any other human, and yet I am completely unsure of what to do.

  
“Mother and father…” she begins, slightly more composed than a moment ago, “…I swore I would avenge them…!”

  
A fiercely defensive intent flares up within her; despite her fear she holds up her rapier and takes stance once again. Her training serves her well, and she is able to lock her eyes onto me with a razor-sharp gaze to watch for any incoming attacks.

  
_“Orie… I mean you no harm. Stay your blade.”_

  
She thinks I am trying to use a trick to lull her into a false sense of security. It seems unlikely that I can convince her of my passiveness. I had meant for a conversation but seeing the situation now, it would be best to retreat.

  
“Thanatos!” she shouts, as a holy ethereal warrior is summoned before her. The spectre doesn’t hesitate a moment and swings its mighty blade in a huge arc towards me. Quickly composing myself, I narrowly dodge its attack by hopping backwards nimbly. It seems I have no choice but to fight. Resolve has completely steeled her body and mind now, murderous intent now mixed with the same fear to create overwhelming adrenaline within her. She steps forward to close the distance, allowing Thanatos to approach me as well. It must have a limited range of attack. I need to weave past her companion and incapacitate her; but I must be careful not to kill her.

  
Using my regenerative ability, I create a small snake-like void from my arm and send it forth. It takes her by surprise, and for a brief moment she is unsure of how to attack. I then swoop forth from the opposing side of the small creature towards Orie. I suddenly sense it, she is aware of my strategy and is about to call Thanatos to attack me instead of the creature. I arc my body backwards to dodge the swing from Thanatos in time, avoiding any damage. The range is now sufficiently closed and I launch a large swing at her with my arm, extending it outwards to an unnatural range to strike. She is again caught completely off guard by my deceptive range, and stumbles awkwardly to just narrowly parry my strike with her rapier.

  
However her lapse in concentration to successfully perform the parry was enough to cause Thanatos to unsummon, and the creature rushes at her during our exchange to bite onto her leg. A sharp gasp comes from her as she feels the small thing bite its fangs into her. Still keeping her eyes on me, as a trained warrior should, she steps backwards and stabs at the creature in one swift motion, causing it to release its grip and perish. I do not act during this moment; most likely this wound will be enough to incapacitate her as I planned.

  
“Kuh…! You foul… creature…!” she curses out loud, kneeling down on her uninjured leg. She is aware of how she cannot freely move her leg now, and is trying to think of how she can repel me and escape. Now is a good chance for me to retreat and leave her be; the situation has already escalated beyond what I expected.

  
_Consume your prey_

  
The words come not from me to her this time, but from the beast to me. Those same primordial instructions. The beast smells the blood coming from her wound and has begun to awaken once more. Immediately I try to turn away and flee in the other direction, but the sense and smell is still far too strong. In a flash I feel myself lose control as my vessel instead turns itself back around to face Orie. The fear flushes through her face and returns twofold.

  
_ **“SKRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!”** _

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly non-canon compliant because in Orie's arcade mode Merkava says he does not know whether or not he killed Orie's parents, but frick it, it's cooler this way.


End file.
